Coco

A hole in my chest, a tear in my soul. An emptyness which can't be fixed with temporary pleasure. Addiction is like the sun; a beautiful star. Look in it for too long, and you'll be blinded. The more you blind yourself, the more you want to see. So you search for light, for so called "freedom" But the sun is ruthless. It gives you the light you yearn, while consuming you in the process. You'll get trapped, its like a paradox. No escape, no solution, theres nothing you can do. A jail, made by yourself. A hell, disguised as love. If you once ate real freedom with a spoon, you'll miss that freedom. You'll be so desperate to eat it with a knife. It'll cut your mouth, it will make you suffocate in your own blood. Addiction solves a problem it creates. Its an endless loop of despair. So don't look at the sun, look at yourself. Because thats where real freedom lies. Not a freedom that blinds, but a freedom that liberates.

I’m drowning in the despair of my own mistakes. Gasping for air, knowing that I’m being held under by the weight of my own self image. I can’t see the light. I’m too deep beneath this endless sea of regret. All I feel is anger and sadness. Anger in the form of regret, and sadness in the form of the self image I’ve lost. The words I cried out were all muffled by the water. Writing was the only way I could express myself. So I put everything down on paper; with every chapter, I came closer to the end. The final page is determined by the writer themselves. But when you’re drowning in your own blood, you can no longer finish your own book. The reader will wonder why it ends so abruptly. The writer said nothing; the writer only cried, tears of despair falling from eyes filled with regret. The writer never wanted it to end this way. He only wanted love. A kind of love that no one could give him. The writer knows the chapters that were never put onto paper; the reader only knows the pages. He wanted someone to hold his hand while he was drowning, someone who understood him. But searching for love was hopeless, an endless journey with the knowledge that it would never succeed.